1 post tagged “tired”
Recently there was a programme entitled "50 Films to See Before You Die", it's just as well that I have yet to shuffle off this mortal coil as I have only managed 30. Actually I had to read the list on the Ch4 website as I fell asleep before then end of the show, which is ironic really as there are many, many films whom I have seen through the veil of my eyelids. Sometimes I think I am part bird, put me in a dark room with some snacks and it's guaranteed siesta time. So I have compiled my own list, "50 Films to Sleep Through Before You Die", here it is;
1) Star Wars (A New Hope): Great film, all the way up to the point Han Solo states "It can do the Kessel run in 5 par secs", try to sleep through to the bit where the rebels are trying to blow up the Death Star.
2) Pulp Fiction: Tarantino tour de force, excellent casting, strong, non-linear story, superb. Doze off just as Uma and John enter the fifties theme diner, have your viewing companion wake you for the line "Bring out the gimp".
3) Cars: An animated cinematic treat. For kids that is. Doze off just after the opening credits, wake just before the end credits. Actually you'll be woken every five minutes by manic kids hopped up on coke and sweets, but hey waddaya expect? For a better sleep don't watch with the kids.
4) Jaws: The big rubber shark gets it. Well if you fall asleep during the opening credits try to wake up for the "We're gonna need a bigger boat line" the film gets exciting from that point.
5) They Live: A John Carpenter classic, aliens are here and live amongst us using mind control to keep us as wage slaves. A must see sci fi movie, watch the opening ten minutes, the premise is set up then have a bit of a doze and wake for the epic Roddy Doyle fist fight where the whole film moves up a gear.
6) Saving Private Ryan: The opening ten minutes recreates the Normandy Landings with heart wrenching, bottom clenching realism. After that it's prime sleeping time till ten minutes before the end.
7) Judge Dread: Sleep through the whole film, nothing missed apart from the massacre of a comic book legend. I am the snore!
8) Four Weddings and a Funeral: Have a doze for two weddings and a funeral, then wake up for when Hugh chases after the unattanable American.Or was that Notting Hill?
9) Back to the Future 1, 2, 3: All greats and the perfect set of films to sleep through because whenever you doze you'll wake up as confused about the plot and timeline as those who have been watching intently.
12) Eraserhead: Twisted, eery and just a bit "out there". If you do sleep during this classic you'll have very disturbing dreams, actually you'll be staring wide eyed at the on screen action to freaked to sleep. Good luck trying.
13) Any James Bond Film: Have a nice cosy dozy just as James gets shipped off to some foreign location and meets a lovely, lithe, lissom honey named something suggestive like Buxom Wenchette, awake in time to see the vllains plot unravel due to James' meddling. Actually you'll wake up for the huge explosion that marks the end chapter of the film. Cue credits and hasty exit.
14) Lord of the Rings: Actually I have never seen any of the LOR trilogy, they are all being saved for when I need to get 8 solid hours sleep, maybe Xmas 07? or Xmas 08? I just know it's going to happen though!
15) one in 60 Seconds: Confession I have never seen this film because, like the title I am gone in 60 seconds.
16) Oscar Wilde: In my version Oscar has a wonderful time, spitting out pithy epithets to all and sundry and gaily buggering the Marquis of Queensbury's son, cue end credits. That's what I remember, apparently, and I don't believe this he went to jail in Reading. Reading! Rubbish, Oscar had far to much style to be seen anywhere near that fly blown god forsaken hell hole. Apologies to all who... actually nah, you live there you get what you deserve!
17) Jerry MacGuire: A great film, moving, funny, heart warming. I left it at "Hello"... ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
18) The Shining: Excellent tour de force performance from Sissy and Jack, demonic, possessed and twisted. Does justice to the book. Hereeeeeeeeeee's Johnny! There goes Stuey! Just about the time he's typing "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is about the time I am starting to slide into the arms of Morpheus.
19) Moulin Rouge: Here's a heads up, Moulin Rouge means Red Windmill yay! But my experience of this film ends just about the point Kylie disappears into a green puff of sexy fairy dust.
20) Bullet: Classy, cool, sassy, sexy and a go getter and that is just the car. I have never seen this film all the way through, not sure why. Something to do with Steve McQueen looking like a slightly disgruntled Geography teacher and I always lost interest in double Geog.
21) The Great Escape: It certainly is, especially on a rainy Sunday afternoon or on Boxing day, the perfect fall asleep to film. Doze off the first time Steve hits the cooler, and dip in and out until Donald Pleasance places the pin for easy retrieval. Feel free to leave again at any point. Ahhhhh, I'm feeling dozy just writing this.
22) The Godfather: Zzz-tastic, the dreamlike quality, the lulling music. Just don’t wake up with a horses head on the seat next to you.
23) 12 Angry Men: Difficult to fall asleep with that much dissatisfaction in one place but imagine you are i the room with them and you’re getting fed up and want to go home, the yawns start and five mins later film over. Or rather your involvement in the rest of it will be.
24) Fight Club: A film about insomnia and amnesia, I have dozed of dozens of times to this David Fincher classic. A great film that is an all time classic However just the thought of being that tired is making me yawn. Mmmm time for a doze methinks.
25) Singing in the Rain: Singing? Sleeping more like. Mmmmm. Nice.
26) The Wizard of Oz. AKA; The Wizard of Zzzzzzzzzz.
27) 2001: A Space Odyssey: A great flick, and one in which Kubrick gives full reign to his imagination. Sleeping during this film is not really advised, if you do then just make sure you don’t wake up during the trippy end sequence as you may not know you are awake, the visuals are truly screwy. Best off sleeping through till morning.
28) Donnie Darko: A twisted little gem, but do not wake and utter the words "So what is happening?", your partner may rewind and make you sit through the entire thing again!
30) Momento: A twisted little gem, but do not wake and utter the words "So what is happening?", your partner may rewind and make you sit through the entire thing again! But you may be none the wiser.
31) Annie Hall: And when Bagpuss goes to sleep... Is it me or does someone wana just get hold of Woody Allen and say "GET ON WITH IT!!!". Too many words, actually what the problem is these days is too many unfunny words. Little hint Woody, you are supposed to be a funny man, so try to make your films funny, you'll know that they are funny when you hear the sound of laughter not the sound of snoring.
32) Shawshank Redemption: Originally a short story by Stephen King entitled "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption". I know what happens at the end thanks to the book, the film on the other hand had me zzz-ing quicker than two pints of larger and a hammock on a hot day.
33) Groundhog Day: The worst ever film to fall asleep in. If you wake up, like I did, at the point he is going around the day for the second time then you have your very own Groundhog experience, freaky, bizarre and the worst case of deja vu you'll ever have. Not recommended.
34) Gone With the Wind. Ends with the immortal line "Tomorrow's another day", it certainly is and you'll get there a lot quicker if you doze of 20 minutes in. Another seasonal snooze-fest, best watched through eyelids when you are full of Turkey.
35) Spartacus: I'm Spartacus, no I'm Spartacus, I'm Spartacus. I'm asleep well before this bit, basically Roman slave gets good at killing as a gladiator. Inspires a revolt, slaves get out and go on a latin slashola fest. Centurions round up slaves and force them to hand over their leader. He's such a well respected guy that they are prepared to sheild him and lay down their own life. Upshot is the all get killed. Nice one Spartacus, I for one would be standing up saying "Actually, I'm not Spartacus. I signed up for a guided sightseeing tour of Tuscany and ended up meeting with these guys in a small taverna down the road. Now if you don't mind I'll just be off, I have the leaning tower to see this afternoon, best nip off before it topples over. See ya. Oh and by the way, thanks Spartacus (shaking his hand)" Or maybe I dreamed it....
36) Casablanca: "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship" is the immortal line, what I found was that it was the start of a nice afternoons kip. Perfect post prandial somulance.
37) Ghandi: An epic of a film, charting the course of one of the truely great statesmen and nation builders of, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was asleep before the little wiry fella wore his first adult nappy and took a blow to the head in the name of peace. The best thing about this movie is its length, epics tend to go on a bit so you can usually get a good couple of hours napping in, add it to your collection today!
38) Batman 3: Batman and Robin. Awful, awful, awful film. However as you'll be watching it through heavily lidded eyes that is not your concern what is going to concern you is when the frag fest begins, try to get the kids to keep the volume down, failing that, earplugs. Well being a film buff you should always be prepared.
39) High Noon: Or as we know it Siesta Time, ah full of tacos and refried beans. Farting your way into a gentle slumber, what Sunday afternoons were invented for. Try to wake up for the gun fight, the rest is just gravy. (whatever that means)
40) The Usual Suspects: Who is Kaiser Solzhey? Solshay? Sholzay? So Say? Who cares, what does matter is that this film has more turns than a snake playing twister. Try to zone out early on then go for a full on dozette about the time the, umm, actually I can't remember much, have I told you that I like to nap in films?
41) Muppet Films: Any of them, all are great for keeping the kids amused, which means a chance to grab a few zeds. If you stay awake though you'll be amused, entertained and feel great. Either way they are winners.
42) Rocky 1,2,3,4,5 and Balboa: Da. Da. Dun da. Da. Dun. Da. Da dun dada. It's the eye of the tiger, or rather the closed eyes of the sleeper. Just in case you do fall asleep for the whole "franchise" here is are the results; Lose, Win, Win (after a lose), Win, Win (on the mean streets), Lose (or win depending on which ending you prefer) .
48) Schindlers List: A film worthy of mention because, well who doesn't like a nice long list? Counting sheep is great for insomnia as is making any kind of list. Are you asleep yet?
49) Godzilla: Should be renamed Goddamnawful, but not if you need a bit of a snooze. Have you off quicker than shuttle launch. Godzilla? G'dnight!
50) The Matrix: Or Religion; A beginners guide to it all esp. Buddhism. And what better way to get some serious sleep in than to attend a lecture? Go for the first part, stay for the two sequels and pack in a weeks worth of sleep in one sitting. Just make sure you have an industrial strength bladder or wear some of those NASA adult nappies to prevent embarrassing incidents.
Well that's it, and goodnight (Can't believe I actually did make it to 50!)
